finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
