And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
