he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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