I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
