There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
