I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
