I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
