In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
