Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
