We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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