His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
