We won't sleep together?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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