just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
