you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
