The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The beer is more important than you right now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
