What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
