well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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