Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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