watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
