We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We are two peas in an std pod
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
