Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
