you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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