is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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