I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
