I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
