on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
