Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
