Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
