Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
