someone threw a dead crab at me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
