do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
