she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When did angry sex become our thing?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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