So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BRING THE BAGELS
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
