Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
