We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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