at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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