I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you had me at cake vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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