if you like me you must not know who I am
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
