I'm pants shitting drunk right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
