I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
