Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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