She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
