That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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