Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
