We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
