When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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