Will you blow on my dice?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
