just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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