i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
