when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
